| If nothing else, we've always been the most pro-America
game site on the Internet. Before it was popular to be a patriot, when Bluesnews was
promoting its thinly disguised Socialist agenda and being cheered on by Stomped, IGN,
Gamespot, Evil Avatar, Penny-Arcade, and Something Awful, we alone stood firm in our
support for this great nation. Each time VoodooExtreme posted another of its
poisonous anti-American screeds, we opposed it - even after many people began to doubt
that they were actually talking about America, because they so often misspelled it, and
not in a meaningful way, such as "AmeriKKKa", but with things like extra
"r"s.
Here's an ugly excerpt from IGN's pre-9/11 review of Emergency
Rescue: Firefighters:
Firemen?!? HAH! What a stupid idea for a game! The
only two groups who give a crap about firemen are designers of gay-interest calendars and
people whose houses are on fire. Speaking of fire, you know who's hot? Tyra Banks.
That's actually sort of an encapsulated version I wrote myself to
represent the general tone of IGN's shameful firefighter coverage. And I won't even
mention Something Awful's series of
comic strips that appear to serve no purpose other than demonizing firemen. We
alone among game sites have been steadfastly, stridently opposed to and afraid of
fire. When Backdraft featured a wise old veteran who taught the younger firemen that
fire has "a mind of its own", we were the only site to recognize it for what it
was: leftist Hollywood propaganda of the most dangerous sort. It's one short step
from "mind of its own" to "sentient", and from there you've got a
clear shot straight to viewing fire as an indigenous occupant of burning buildings and an
innocent victim of repressive firemen. At the time, we summed up our objections
thusly: "Fuck you, Ron Howard." Now, more than ever, we stand by those
objections.
I could gloat, because I certainly deserve to. I could point
fingers, because the guilty are still among us. But now isn't the time for gloating
or finger-pointing. And by "now", I mean starting right... NOW.
I hate what happened to us. I hate and I hate and I hate, and it's
burned away some of my lesser hatreds. I honestly can't remember why I was so mad at
Rune. American McGee's Alice, on the other hand, still pisses me off because every
time I think "God bless America", which is pretty much all the time lately,
there's a little voice in the back of my mouth that adds "enmcgeesalice".
Still, it's time to come together. That means all of us: Blacks,
Whites, Mariah Carrey, Mexicans, and as much as it pains me to say it, Arabs. Look,
I know we've had our differences, but I'd like to take this opportunity to extend an olive
branch - a picture I made using Photoshop - to our especially devout Muslim friends:
See, it's the Statue of Liberty with a target painted on it. Enjoy!
You murderous cunts. After decades of Hollywood misinformation, the end-times
finally arrived and the one thing left standing was the Statue of fucking
Liberty. Attack that, and Uncle Sam's gonna plant his
submarine-lauched-missile-shaped foot up Ganesh's giant elephant ass so hard it'll make
this last attack on the World Trade Center look like the first time you Arab idiots bombed
it.
This is how I am now. Mad all the time. The attack seems to
have mellowed Chet a little, but something shifted inside me, and the shifting has
prompted a perpetual state of rage. So you'll be spared the agony of watching me wax
grief-stricken over recent events. If I ever was sad, the feeling is gone now,
replaced by a fury I can't seem to shake. |
